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Positive Perspective for Parents of Transgender Children



“I don’t want my child to be transgender because I don’t want them to have a difficult life.”  This is one of the most frequent things I hear parents say once they realize their child is transgender.

 Parents grieve “the good life” for their child, assuming that trans people all live hard, sad lives of abuse and discrimination, devoid of any normalcy or happiness.  While no doubt this is unfortunately true for many, there are plenty of thriving trans people living successful lives, with fulfilling jobs, healthy relationships, and even families of their own.  Nonetheless, it is in the general consciousness being trans equals a doomed life and in fact, many children will live up to this belief that they absorb from unknowing parents. Nobody knows how their transgender children would have grown up had they not been transgender so grieve that idealistic life you envisioned for them then release it with a kiss into the atmosphere where it can recycle into something even better. 

While we all need to advocate against transphobia, discrimination, and violence, we also need to let go of the assumption that being transgender is synonymous with an inevitable “bad life”.   Nobody is destined to have a bad life. 

Let’s flip the switch and change the language. 

What if your child could live a meaningful, fulfilling life as a transgender human being?  What if you, as the parent could be their foundation, their rock, their unwavering support that strengthens them enough to rise above challenge or circumstance? 

Happiness resides in the mind.  Don’t take away their power of personal choice.  Empower your child with belief that they will live a happy life if they choose.   Teach them that they are not a victim of circumstance.  Teach them that their differences are superpowers. The rest of the world just hasn’t caught up to them yet!

Show them that they have the power to teach others how they want to be treated.  Let them believe that they can be the change they want to see in the world.

Think back on something you are most proud of – was it easy?  Probably not.  Many of our most powerful moments and greatest accomplishments were born out of towering obstacles or deepest sorrows.  Naturally, parents want to spare their children from discomfort of any kind.  What if that were actually possible? How would they learn to be strong?  How could they be constantly pushed to expand their own potential?

Everyday difficulties can bring empowerment and strength; living as transgender can bring empowerment and strength in monumental proportion. 

I know many transgender people who have come out, transitioned, overcome obstacles and went on to become successful leaders, speakers, advocates for minority communities, while enjoying marriages and happy relationships.  Transgender kids can grow up to be doctors, husbands, wives, and ministers all while moving through life in their most authentic form.

Consciously and intentionally envision the life you want for your transgender child, not the life you are scared of.  Imagine your transgender child, happy.   

As a newborn baby, you swaddled them.  Never stop taking them into your arms. Your child just wants you to see them as genuinely as they see themselves.  Celebrating your child’s authenticity is the most precious gift!

Embracing Uncertainty


A phase – a temporary process of discovery – can be a liberating period of one’s life and lead to genuine growth.  By honoring “phases”, we allow children a safe space to change their mind or change their identity without backlash, repercussion or the infamous, “I told you so!”.  Dismissal of phases invalidates one’s ability to change.  You might unknowingly send messages that a child is worthy of support and belief only when their identity is not a phase.  We are teaching kids that identities must be set in stone and that gender must be permanent in order to be valid.  This is a ton of pressure on a child to inadvertently expect them to know at age 5 for example, exactly who they are going to be for the rest of their life! [Read full post here]. 

Today I want to expand on this topic about which I previously wrote. 

First, I want to reflect on my own coming out fears.  One concern that held me back most was – What if I changed my mind?  What if I decided one day that I wasn’t trans- that I no longer felt like a boy? In my mind this translated into:  What if I made a mistake?  What if I decided that I actually felt more like a girl and people used me as evidence that transgender people are wrong?  What if they used my uncertainty against the entire trans community to paint trans people as crazy, wishy-washy, and going against nature?  What if they used my indecisiveness as proof that god doesn’t make mistakes?

As I write these words, I cringe to even put them out into the universe so I want to stress that the myths above are not true!  Nevertheless, these ‘beliefs’ float around the general consciousness through the media, books, and political and religious scare tactics that can quickly be eaten up my confused, grieving, or searching parents.

When did this become the dreaded scenario?  When did being uncertain or changing one’s mind become such a bad thing?  When did changing one’s mind become the determining factor as to whether or not gender-questioning persons would be validated? 

The bigger the decision, the more certain people expect us to be.  The less certain, the less people are willing to validate one’s identity.  This puts trans people between a rock and a hard place because the truth is that the bigger a decision, the more likely one is to be uncertain!   Ever quite a job?  End a long-term relationship? Not an easy decision.  You probably did not feel 100% certain. 

To clarify, being trans is not a decision but telling people and coming out are.

Can we remove the stigma that comes with changing one’s mind (frequently called “de-transitioning”)?  Parents, loved ones and even the medical community expect trans people to be certain before they can be believed. 

Let’s stop this.  Figuring out any part of the identity is an ongoing process.  One’s gender identity can and might change and that is perfectly okay.  We are not static beings; we evolve, we transform, we shed old skins, we grow.  If you can let go of the unfortunate and limiting belief that gender at birth is written in stone, it makes perfect sense that like the brain, the body, the spirit, and the mind, gender can change.  Gender is a product of all of the above and in addition, a societal construction.  The neurons of the brain develop then deteriorate, the body ages, the spirit twinkles and dims, and every aspect of society advances, undergoes modification and revision.  Many believe that sex and gender are the two constants but sorry, there are no constants in life.

Reversing course does not mean a mistake was made.  It does not mean that the child, the parents, the therapist or the doctor were wrong; it just means that the person is insightful, self-aware and brave enough to enter a new stage of development AND they trusted you enough to share that process.

Life is an endless cycle of transformation.  This is inevitable so embrace it without judgement.


There is No Wrong Way to be Transgender



There is no one way to be trans and no such thing as being “not trans enough”.  Gender is not binary; it is on a spectrum.  We have been led to believe that gender consists of a ridged binary – you are either a man with a penis or a woman with a vagina but many transgender people do not identify that way at all.  Some identify as neither man nor woman and some identify as both.  Others have a fluid gender that changes throughout a lifetime. 

People are born trans but realize their identity at different times in life.  Everyone can have a different “story”.  I was 30 when I was introduced to the concept of being transgender and 36 when I came out and transitioned.   I had a happy childhood with many friends; I wore dresses and played with barbies.  People were surprised when I came out because to them, I didn’t “seem like a boy”.  

Coming out to myself was harder than coming out to loved ones because I did not have the stereotypical trans narrative.  I worried:  If I was really trans, shouldn’t I have known as a young child?  Shouldn’t I have rejected girl toys and gotten along better with boys than girls?  Shouldn’t I have had a sad childhood fraught with problems?  Shouldn’t we all have known earlier?  If I was really trans, wouldn’t I be 100% sure?

Sometimes people aren’t sure how they identify and this is perfectly okay!  Experiment.  Become unattached.  Sometimes the transgender journey is not from point A to point B – sometimes it’s two steps forward and five steps back.  Society tells us we should have a destination in order for something to be valid.  Lose reference to the “shoulds”.   Don’t be afraid to exist in between definitions and create yourself.   Your version of trans is just as valid!


How to be More Gender-Inclusive

Tips for Using Gender Neutral Pronouns



You cannot know someone’s gender just by looking at them. Gender is a societal construct.   Gender stereotypes also have been created by society as a way to make sense of and categorize the world around us. 

Somewhere along the way in society, it was decided what defines “man” and “woman” and our brains have been wired to not only conform to this in the way we present ourselves but also by how our brain perceives others:  we see makeup, long hair, “feminine clothes” and our brain registers “female” whether we are actively thinking about it or not.  This is not surprising considering the word has defined gender for us the second we come out of the womb with blue clothes for boys and pink for girls, “feminine” or “masculine” names then even as toddlers we either go to the “boy” section or “girl” section to look at clothing or toys.

What to know about gender:

  • One does not have to be feminine in order to be female and one does not have to be masculine in order to be male. 
  • Gender is a spectrum, and many people fall in the middle of the binary
  • Body parts do not determine gender

How to increase gender-affirming behavior:

  • Introduce yourself by saying not only your name but pronouns
  • Ask people their pronouns along with their name
  • Do not assume one’s gender based off of gender presentation
  • Do not assume one’s gender based off the pitch of their voice
  • Use gender neutral pronouns (they) or eliminate them all together (i.e “the barista” instead of “she”)

Frequently, we feel as though we need to know someone’s gender.  Why is this?  Do we need to know someone’s gender in order to know how we should treat them? 

One of the most helpful things you can do is rewire your brain. I invite you to stop seeing gender and instead, see people. Unless someone has told you their pronouns or how they identify, eliminate “he” and “she” all together. When you are out in public and you are referring to the barista, the server, the police officer, or any other random stranger, try to eliminate pronouns or use “they/them”. It’s also helpful to be mindful of just using gender neutral nouns:

  • Server instead of waitress
  • Police officer instead of policeman
  • Humankind instead of mankind
  • That person instead of that girl

Remember, we do not know someone’s gender by looking at them!  You can take it a step further by teaching your brain to undo its attachment to gender stereotypes:  As you walk through this world, catch yourself every time you see long hair and want to say, “that girl over there” or “ma’am” or when you hear a deep voice and want to refer to them as “sir” or “that man/boy”.  Slowly, your brain will undo what it has been taught.  Your brain is operating on gender stereotypes unconsciously, but this we can undo! 

Undoing gender stereotypes is liberating for cisgender people and transgender people alike. Note that many cisgender people do not like the expectations or gender roles that come with gender assignments stereotypes!  


What Would You do if You had a Year to Live?



I’ve been thinking a lot about death after the passing of my 100-year-old Grandma which inevitably means I’ve been thinking a lot about life.  Specifically, what kind of life are we living today?  If you knew you only had five years to live…two years..one year to live, would you continue living exactly as you are right now?  What would you do with that year – how would you live?  

Most of us may come up with an elaborate list of bucket list items and dreams not yet achieved – how about that “dream job”, that vacation around the world?  Maybe you have always wanted to learn an instrument or pick up a foreign language?  Maybe you just want to sit outside in the mornings with a cup of coffee and a book and give yourself permission to do nothing. I venture to guess that most of our lists of adventure, unfulfilled dreams and trying new things would be wildly different from how we live day-to-day now.  

Why is this?

If you had less life ahead of you, what would you do differently?

If you stayed stuck where you are right now, would you die happy with that?

How often do you do something because you feel that is what you should be doing?

Scared? What is the worst case scenario? How realistic is that? Could it be fixed?

What self-limiting beliefs can you let go of?

We live in a society preoccupied with more. We always seem to need more of something in order to go for what we desire:  We need more time.  More planning. More PTO. More skills. More certainty. More money. More of this, more of that. 

Perhaps all of this more has distracted us from looking at what really scares us?

We live our lives as if we have all the time in the world. In fact, our obsession with more has actually caused us to live like we are immortal.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.   When the end is near, life seems to take on more value: The less  we have, the more valuable it becomes?  This could be true with food, water, material goods, commodities..but is it also true of life itself?

What are you putting off, that you could do now?

What are you really afraid of?


Recycling our “Mental Garbage” into Something Better



I am continually inspired by the bravery, self-awareness and beauty of my clients.  Recently, one in particular was so candid and spoke so vividly that I continue to contemplate the breakthrough that we shared.   

They came into the conversation tormented by a head full of self doubt and confusion, and ingeniously likened  that to rotting garbage in their mind – the trash at the top is easier to sift through – it is fresher and stinks less.  As you descend deeper into the trash bag, things start to get pretty mucky -a  decayed, rotting, slimy mess and you can longer tell what it is or what purpose it once served. 

Isn’t this how the depths of the mind can be?  Stagnant thoughts, self doubt, and fear become such an ingrained part of our psyche and self that it feels near impossible to get to the root cause of a problem. 

We quickly become overwhelmed! Furthermore, it becomes easier and easier to let ourselves become that garbage!

Two things come up here: Let’s pick a few of the most important issues and get to that root cause, shift,  then move forward into confidence.

Next, it is ok to let go of the rest.  Give yourself permission to let go.

Everything on this planet is temporary, even us. All our things, all of our problems, all of our emotions – all temporary.  Every one of us will  die then rot one day just as every piece of garbage decomposes.  

So why do we hold on so tight?

Every rotting thing becomes fertilizer. This stuff that we label garbage is actually birth or continuation of life for something or someone else.  Without the stench of rot and decay, we would all cease to exist. There would be no soil, no food, no life. 

We all have “garbage” in our heads but I see a beautiful opportunity to reframe what garbage means. 

If we let go of our attachment to it, what could we become capable of?  Let those negative thoughts die out – they have reached the end of their life cycle. They are now the fertilizer that will propel you into the person you dream of being.  What do you want out of life? What brings you joy?  Where do you go to experience a sense of awe on this planet?  

Starting today, wake up every morning and believe that all of that self-doubt, criticism, comparison, confusion, and sadness has now become fertilizer for a more peaceful existence.   It is now being released back into the earth and recycled into something better!

Give yourself permission to go for what you desire in life.  Give yourself permission to show the world who you really are!


Questioning Gender? Start Here!

Debunking Common Myths about Gender, HRT, and Transition



There is no right or wrong way to be trans.  Just because you are not cisgender, does not mean you have to adopt any particular definition of being transgender.

Trans people can live happy and fulfilling lives, find partners and be in healthy relationships.  Trans people are not doomed to sad and difficult lives.  Trans and non-binary people get married and find partners just like cis people.  Trans people are attractive just like cis people.

A person does not have to be “feminine” to be female or “masculine” to be male.  If you choose to transition, that doesn’t mean you must jump to the opposite end of the binary!

Cisgender people do not question their gender.  Just because you feel uncomfortable in your gender assigned at birth, does not mean you must feel comfortable in the opposite gender in order to truly be transgender. Gender is on a binary and you can be transgender without feeling 100% certain or comfortable in either binary gender.

There is no such thing as being “too old” to come out, transition, or start hormones.  Hormone Replacement Therapy still works no matter the age.  Better to live one day as your true self than 100 years of pretending to be somebody you are not.

Not all trans people have dysphoria.  You can still be transgender and have little to no gender dysphoria. 

Coming out or transitioning is not always a linear journey and a person does not need to feel certain in order to be trans.  Thereis an unspoken expectation in society that we should have a sense of certainty about big decisions.  Society doesn’t teach us or give us the tools to make decisions based off uncertainty so it is OK that doing so feels uneasy.

At first, moving forward in transition can be overwhelming but over time, it gets easier.  Being trans does not necessarily stay hard forever. Plus, your definition of “hard” changes over time as you become more resilient.

Be aware of the “initial reaction”.  It can be just that – an initial reaction from loved ones that will change over time.  Get a bad first reaction to coming out? Time, processing, reflection, love- all change people; reactions can become well thought out convictions and positive affirmations.

Coming out is not a one-time event; it can be a never-ending process.  You get to decide if and when you tell people you are transgender; there is no rule book for this.

Fellow transgender people can also be gatekeepers.  Trans individuals did not write the trans rule book.  They may have written their own book, but they did not write your book nor do their definitions, expectations, rules, or choices dictate any of yours.

Get people in your corner!  Asking for help is not weakness; needing help builds connection. Strengthening a gender-affirming support system is one of the most beneficial things you can create for yourself!

Changes may come much slower (or faster!)  than what you see on YouTube.  It comes down to genetics so roll the dice and see what happens!

Transitioning or taking hormones may not fully eliminate dysphoria.  There is no magic pill that will give you a 100% ideal version of yourself or your body. 

Transition is not just physical.  Hormones change your brain.  There is an inner peace and inner calm that can come with living your true self.

Your voice may not get very deep.  Nobody can pick and choose what changes they get; transitioning is not a buffet where you can pick and choose.

People might surprise you for the better.  We tend to fear the worst.   You may be surprised by how your vulnerability allows others to be more vulnerable.  By asking for help and support, you may give others the opportunity to be an advocate and to feel helpful and brave.

Hormone replacement therapy is not an exact science.  Doctors do not know everything.  Other trans people do not know everything. Listen to your body – it will tell you exactly how it feels and what it needs.

Use your voice!  Speak up!  Make sure you get a doctor who is willing to listen to your transition goals, feelings and concerns.  Hormone replacement therapy is way more complicated that a number on lab work results. Don’t blindly follow orders – research everything and listen to your intuition.

Much of the difference between the genders comes from socialization, not hormones.  So much of the difference between men and women is impressed upon us from a very early age.  Humans are androgynous creatures; society has defined us into distinct and separate categories. Break free.

Children are old enough to know their gender identity.  Between the age of 2 and 3, children develop an understanding of gender.  Furthermore, nobody questions a child’s gender identity when it is in-line with the gender on their birth certificate!

People do not become transgender as a fad due to the media or influence by peers.  One could be persuaded to dye their hair, dress in all black, take up smoking but being influenced to change one’s gender is an unlikely occurrence.

Being transgender is usually not a phase that people grow out of.  Generally, if a person has been persistent, consistent, and insistent, it is most likely not a phase.  “Phase” usually implies a choice and being transgender is not a choice nor is it something that can be simply outgrown. 

Hesitation, indecisiveness, backtracking or changing one’s mind are not indications that a person is cisgender and not really trans.  People can change their minds and still be trans.  Gift them space to discover without letting the non-linear timeline de-legitimize their process.

If a person changes their mind later in life, it does not mean someone made a mistake to let them transition.  By honoring this growth, we allow people a safe space to change their mind or change their identity without backlash or repercussion.  By viewing change as a mistake, we might teach people (especially kids) that identities must be set in stone and that gender must be permanent in order to be valid.

Want to learn even more?  Check out the full blog posts:

Gender Affirming Support Saves Lives

Avoiding Regret from the Perspective of a Trans Man

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Do you ever worry about regret?

My Nana is almost 101 years old.  She has been in home hospice for almost two years and most of the time, she no longer recognizes her own children.  Her eyes look without seeing; her mouth moves without speaking; and her mind seems to exist without thinking. Rigidly frail. Her children change her diapers. 

I started wondering what it would be like to no longer communicate with your children – to never have said goodbye, or I’m sorry. What would it feel like to never have closure over past grievances and pain? What would you want to say to someone if you were on your death bed? And what would it be like if you could no longer say anything? What would you regret?  What would you want to say to a loved one? 

What are you not saying now?

I often think about the death bed scenario in reference to trans people and their families, specifically the parents or family members who do not support their trans child:  Will you regret this one day?

Dear fellow humans who refuse to support and affirm your gender-diverse child,

One day, will you wish you had caused less suffering to your child?

Would it really matter what other people thought of you? How much would their judgements matter?

Looking back over many years of life, how much does it really matter that right now, your child wants to wear masculine clothes, or cut their hair, wear make-up or dresses?

What is holding you back from supporting and affirming your child?

Are you afraid that you may cause them harm by calling them by their correct pronouns and name, by sticking up for them, by having their back when they want to wear gender-affirming clothes?

If this is the case, you’d better be sure you are, without a doubt, right (you aren’t) and you know more than the research or professionals because you are gambling on your child’s life!

According to statistics, LGBTQ+ children and teens with supportive families are 50% less likely to commit suicide!

Some parents aren’t even as fortunate as you to still have their child; some trans children choose to exit this world.

What could possibly be worse than losing a child to suicide?

Is your discomfort over having a gender non-conforming child worse than the possibility of your child committing suicide?

Is the discomfort of having to open your mind to new possibilities worse than grief you would feel over the death of your child?

Be really honest with yourself:  What is your tolerance for discomfort?

You will never have the chance to say you are sorry.  You will never get that child back.

You will not be able to undo what you have done.

You think the mindset, anger, disapproval and fear that you feel today will stay the same for the next 50 years?  It may.  Or likely, it may not. Time changes us. The disapproval you feel today may not always fuel the convictions that cause you to feel justified in hurting your child today. You could look back and regret your actions. What if it is too late to fix anything?

I guarantee that no matter how strong your religious convictions, God will never give you back your lost child. God won’t show up on your doorstep one day, no matter how sorry you are, no matter how many tears you cried.

Having a trans kid doesn’t mean you failed as a parent; it means you have an opportunity in front of you to learn from them – to step up and be bold and not care what people think of you. They are an absolute gift that the world needs to see.

Be the best version of yourself today because tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

Be the most compassionate, strongest, most open-minded and vulnerable person that you can be because you may never have the opportunity to fix the hurt you caused somebody else.  Support, affirm, believe in the ones you love, because these are actions that you will never regret; actions that save lives.

Tips for People Questioning Their Gender


There is no right or wrong way to be trans.  You can transition. Or not.  You can take hormones. Or not.  You can start hormones then stop. You can come out to people before starting HRT or you can start HRT then come out to people six months later. Choosing no medical transition is just as valid as any other decision. You can be stealth; you can be openly trans. Just because you are not cisgender, does not mean you have to adopt any particular definition.

You don’t have to be “feminine” to be female or “masculine” to be male.  Descriptions that are categorized as either male or female are mostly social constructs anyways.  If you choose to transition, that doesn’t mean you need to jump to the opposite end of the binary! Just because you don’t feel like “she”, doesn’t mean you must be “he”.   Or, you can be “he” with long hair and stereotypically feminine clothes!

There is no such thing as being “too old” to come out, transition, or start hormones.  Hormone Replacement Therapy still works no matter how old you are and I know people who came out at age 65.  Better to live one day as your true self than 100 years of pretending to be somebody you are not.

Not all trans people have dysphoria.  You can still be transgender and have little to no gender dysphoria.  You do not need to hate your body. Some trans people have no desire to medically change their body while others hormonally or surgically transform their physical bodies without suffering a major dislike of it.

Coming out or transitioning is not always a linear journey and you do not need to feel certain in order to be trans. There is an unspoken expectation in society that we should have a sense of certainty about big decisions.  Society doesn’t teach us or give us the tools to make decisions based off uncertainty so it is OK that doing so feels uneasy.

At first, moving forward in transition can be overwhelming but over time, it gets easier. Being trans does not necessarily stay hard forever. Plus, your definition of “hard” changes over time as you become more resilient. It can be debilitating, scary, even panic-inducing to look ahead at all the hurdles you must jump in order for people to see you as you see yourself- coming out, getting on hormones, navigating restrooms and employment and dealing with loved ones. But, you do jump those hurdles, one by one. Over time, the bumps and hurdles become less and less until one day you only see them in a rear-view mirror and when you look forward, you see your true self staring back at you in the mirror.

Be aware of the “initial reaction”.  It can be just that – an initial reaction that will change over time.  Get a bad first reaction to coming out?  You just gave someone big news.  Unlike you, who has been contemplating your gender identity for possibly years, they have had .1 seconds to process the information!  Time, processing, reflection, love- all change people; reactions can become well thought out convictions and positive affirmations.

Coming out is not a one-time event; it can be a never-ending process. You get to decide if and when you tell people you are transgender; there is no rule book for this. Some people decide to go 100% stealth forever while others are openly trans with anyone and everyone they meet. Personally, I am somewhere in the middle.  I am a self-made man. To me, that is sacred so not every person I cross paths with in life deserves this offering. And it is an offering! In fact, this is a silver lining of being trans –the opportunity exists to have a finely tuned barometer to deeply access any relationship; it takes a certain amount of courage every time you come out and not every person is worthy of that courage.   

Fellow transgender people can also be gatekeepers.  Trans individuals did not write the trans rule book.  They may have written their own book, but they did not write your book nor do their definitions, expectations, rules, or choices dictate any of yours. There are trans people who will say you aren’t masculine or feminine enough. Some will say you can’t do this or you can’t do that, yet others will try to fit you into the binary. Never forget that your body or how you define yourself (if you choose to define yourself at all) is yours and yours only.

Get people in your corner! Asking for help is not weakness; needing help builds connection. Strengthening a gender-affirming support system is one of the most beneficial things you can gift yourself! Find other trans people, join social media groups, go on trans retreats, volunteer with trans youth, get a gender-affirming therapist or life coach.  Having a few supportive people in your corner who encourage your true gender identity can make the challenges a lot easier!

Want more myth busting tips on testosterone and transitioning? Check out them out here!


Trusting, Affirming, Supporting the Gender-Diverse People in Our Lives



Will my trans kid have a normal life?

Will anyone want to date them or will they be alone forever?

Is the fact that they are transgender going to be the first and only thing people see in them?

These are all common and valid questions and concerns!

First, just a reminder that people don’t have a hard time because they are transgender; they have a hard time because much of society decided that being transgender is a bad thing.  Being transgender is not inherently a negative thing. Furthermore, being transgender does not automatically doom a person to a hard life. More on that here.

I know many transgender people in happy, healthy relationships of all kinds, many of them married in fact.  They have a wide variety of jobs just like everyone else – one is a minister who preaches inclusivity, bridging the gap between religion and the LGBTQ+ world.  Another is engaged and teaches computer science to at-risk youth.  Yet another leads a trans rights organization and he and his wife have dedicated their lives to advocating for equal rights and protecting the vulnerable.   A woman I know is going to school for social work and bravely does public speaking on a regular basis.  Trans people are doctors, activists, writers, politicians, movie stars, mothers, fathers, best friends and you have probably met some them without ever knowing it.

Much of the time one would not be able to tell the difference between a trans person and a cis person (a person who identifies with the sex/gender that they were assigned at birth).  In these cases, trans people just walk through the world like everyone else – enjoying friendships, dating, going to work, traveling, running errands, living.  While some gender-diverse people make the perfectly valid decision to not transition, other gender-diverse people decide to transition and legally change their name and gender marker on birth certificates, passports, licenses and credit cards and they are frequently indistinguishable from cis people.  Yes, transgender people can look indistinguishable from cis people contrary to a common myth that “You can always spot a trans person”.

The exception to this would be dating situations where it would be impossible to hide the fact that one is trans in intimate situations.  Some people claim to not be attracted to trans people or gender non-conforming people.  Others say they have a very strong preference towards particular genitalia.

Most importantly, many people are very open-minded and do not like labels or fitting into a certain label; they see people as people and are attracted to humans.  Many people embrace the transgender body like any other body and are also attracted to a person’s intellect, their heart and mind.

I have a partner of ten years who is in love with me and attracted to me as a person.  It was not my genitalia that she fell in love with.   Love and attraction are both very complicated feelings and people are surprisingly diverse.

Don’t limit love and sex to a body part!

The key to being able to live a normal life is support.  What kind of support are you going to give gender diverse people?  Accept, support, affirm, believe and love are crucial!

Let’s try to reduce the stigma of being trans by celebrating the diversity and success of trans people!


Turning Transgender Life into a Celebration



Will my trans kid have a normal life?

Will anyone want to date them or will they be alone forever?

Is the fact that they are transgender going to be the first and only thing people see in them?

These are all common and valid questions and concerns!

First, just a reminder that people don’t have a hard time because they are transgender; they have a hard time because society decided that being transgender is a bad thing.  Being transgender is not inherently a negative thing. Furthermore, being transgender does not automatically doom a person to a hard life. More on that here.

I know many transgender people in happy, healthy relationships of all kinds, many of them married in fact.  They have a wide variety of jobs just like everyone else – one is a minister who preaches inclusivity, bridging the gap between religion and the LGBTQ+ world.  Another is engaged and teaches computer science to at-risk youth.  Yet another leads a trans rights organization and he and his wife have dedicated their lives to advocating for equal rights and protecting the vulnerable.   A woman I know is going to school for social work and bravely does public speaking on a regular basis.  Trans people are doctors, activists, writers, politicians, movie stars, mothers, fathers, best friends and you have probably met some them without ever knowing it.

Much of the time one would not be able to tell the difference between a trans person and a cis person (a person who identifies with the sex/gender that they were assigned at birth).  In these cases, trans people just walk through the world like everyone else – enjoying friendships, dating, going to work, traveling, running errands, living.  Some transgender people decide to transition and legally change their name and gender marker on birth certificates, passports, licenses and credit cards and they are frequently indistinguishable from cis people. Yes, read that again – transgender people can look indistinguishable from cis people contrary to a common myth that “You can always spot a trans person”.

The exception to this would be dating situations where it would be impossible to hide the fact that one is trans in intimate situations.  Some people claim to not be attracted to trans people or gender non-conforming people.  Others say they have a very strong preference towards particular genitalia.

Most importantly, many people are very open minded and do not like labels or fitting into a certain label; they see people as people and are attracted to humans.  Many people embrace the transgender body like any other body and are also attracted to a person’s intellect, their heart and mind.

I have a partner of ten years who is in love with me and attracted to me as a person.  It was not my genitalia that she fell in love with.   Love and attraction are both very complicated feelings and people are surprisingly diverse.

Don’t limit love and sex to a body part!

Let’s try to reduce the stigma of being trans by celebrating the diversity and success of trans people!