There is No Wrong Way to be Transgender

There is no one way to be trans and no such thing as being “not trans enough”.  Gender is not binary; it is on a spectrum.  We have been led to believe that gender consists of a ridged binary – you are either a man with a penis or a woman with a vagina but many transgender people do not identify that way at all.  Some identify as neither man nor woman and some identify as both.  Others have a fluid gender that changes throughout a lifetime. 

People are born trans but realize their identity at different times in life.  Everyone can have a different “story”.  I was 30 when I was introduced to the concept of being transgender and 36 when I came out and transitioned.   I had a happy childhood with many friends; I wore dresses and played with barbies.  People were surprised when I came out because to them, I didn’t “seem like a boy”.  

Coming out to myself was harder than coming out to loved ones because I did not have the stereotypical trans narrative.  I worried:  If I was really trans, shouldn’t I have known as a young child?  Shouldn’t I have rejected girl toys and gotten along better with boys than girls?  Shouldn’t I have had a sad childhood fraught with problems?  Shouldn’t we all have known earlier?  If I was really trans, wouldn’t I be 100% sure?

Sometimes people aren’t sure how they identify and this is perfectly okay!  Experiment.  Become unattached.  Sometimes the transgender journey is not from point A to point B – sometimes it’s two steps forward and five steps back.  Society tells us we should have a destination in order for something to be valid.  Lose reference to the “shoulds”.   Don’t be afraid to exist in between definitions and create yourself.   Your version of trans is just as valid!

Published by Christian

I am a Certified Life Coach at Out and Proud Life Coaching, LLC. I started out helping transgender individuals and their parents through all stages of transition. As a master of change, I have now expanded to also work with people who have a nagging feeling that they want something more out of life but are hindered by fear of change, transition, or difficult decisions. Please visit to subscribe to my newsletter or sign up for a free 30-minutes session so you can experience what coaching feels like!

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